Cruella DeMara

It was a dark and not stormy night. Then we woke up and went into the shelter to have some breakfast. It was our first time at a shelter on this trip, and it was crowded, so we met many fine citizens of the world, one of which was puking Gatorade because he appeared to be dying. He wasn't all that fun. But we met a very kind-hearted older man who called himself 'Turtle' on account of being all self-conscious about going slow. So Mara is sitting at the table with him, concentrating with all of her foggy just-got-out-of-bed brainpower on eating her granola. Johnny and I were just milling about, being awesome, per usual. God knows where Sara was. She is irrelevant, really. And Turtle is hanging out, talking, because Turtle was a talker. Again, Mara: face in granola; the intensity was inspiring. So Turtle starts talking about lots of stuff. All the things, really. And then he starts telling us about his family. And he tells us how, you know, the life you'd like for your kids just sometimes doesn't work out the way a parent wishes it would. Then he pauses, seems to get a bit lost in his thoughts, and says, 'Oh am I giving you guys too much information?' and gives a half hearted chuckle. So Johnny and I sort of shuffle our feet and stare off into the middle distance. And Mara, face still firmly in granola, with complete confidence and a strong voice, says,

'YEP.'

Johnny and I are mortified. Mara is enjoying granola. Johnny and I start to slowly back away. Turtle gets a little quiet, 'Yeah I'm definitely guilty of TMI, I guess,' he says. Mara is confused by everything except granola at this point. She thinks we're moving away because we can't understand what Turtle is talking about, either. So she just chuckles and says, 'haha, yeah.' Johnny and I leave the shelter. We pack up and get the hell out of dodge. We later inform Mara that she is the cruelest woman in the planet. She is then the one who is mortified. Her new mission is to find Turtle and apologize. She really isn't the worst person on the planet. Just don't talk to her while she's eating breakfast, or she will destroy your soul.